Judging another person by making assumptions or expressing uncalled for opinions, usually negative, often when the other person is not there or not capable of responding is a very sad thing. Instances of this abound throughout the known world.
Judging Is Hard To Avoid
There are a number of issues we can discuss with relation to judging.
Firstly - It is very hard to avoid. We many times find ourselves making statements which, in the first blush, seem to be just ‘shooting the breeze’ but when you listen to yourself carefully, you find that what you have just said is uncalled for judgement.
Listening to our own utterances is extremely important. It is, perhaps, better to only speak about yourself or another partner in the same conversation. That way, if any judgement is made, however unlikely, in a face-to-face encounter, then at least the judged will have a chance to respond.
Almost every time we speak of another who is not present, it is negative. We hardly ever say, “Oh Bill. He's fantastic.” well not rarely, perhaps, but less often than the opposite.
If we are not happy about one person’s words or actions (even inactions often), while speaking with another; the best bet is - do not say anything about him/her it all. If you can't say anything good, say nothing at all, is a common saying we might all remember in this instance.
Judging Another Person’s Life
Quite often the way a person speaks or acts is a product of some issues in their past, and we are not to know that if we lived another person’s life, then we might act or speak in exactly the same way.
Safer to say nothing at all.
If you, as often happens, find yourself copping a quick look over your shoulder to ensure that no one is listening, when you are making a comment then you must question, ‘Why do I care if there are any listeners?”
Be aware of your comments. If you don't wish anyone to hear your comments - don't make them.
But it is often hard to be continually aware of your own speech. Often you'll catch-on after comments have been made. It is one of my fondest hopes that I will never judge another person, but it’s a sad fact I often don't catch my judgement speech at all or catch it too late. Sad really. It is so important.
Before speaking think, ‘Would I say this about Beatrice if she were sitting in front of me right now?’ If the answer is no - shut up. If yes. Then go ahead. Say it. If it is a judgement or not, Beatrice probably will be chuffed to hear what you are thinking.
As with all bad habits, this is one bugger of a thing to stop.
As I have already said, the hard part is becoming aware that you are doing it.
Many conversations contain comments made by others that are judgemental and before you know it you are commenting in like manner, or agreeing with negative assertions about others not present or worse still not able, even if they were present, to respond.
Speak No Ill Of The Dead
The old “Speak no ill of the Dead” comes to mind here. Perhaps we might think of all our conversations as being only with the living; and those not with us, are no longer with us at all, then that old adage might kick in and our judgements or assumptions might be caught in time. When your conversation partner(s) makes a negative comment about someone not present - note it and avoid responding. Even if you believe it to be true.
There may be reasons for the judged words or actions that you have no way of knowing.
What Is A Judgement, Really?
The other part of this 'do not judge' argument is if you do judge someone - take a moment to look inside. Your judgement may say more about you.